For 8 months I worked in an office with someone who refused to talk to me. On the rare occasions in which she did decide to speak, her sentences were curt and her tone was loaded. Her desk faced the wall, and whenever anyone asked her anything, she didn’t even turn around. She gave one-word answers to questions that required explanations, and gave almost everyone the silent treatment in the office. Once, I wrote her an email, politely letting her know about something. Her response?
DO NOT LECTURE ME
No punctuation. No “Dear X”. No
context. No “Not now, I’m totally stressed.”
And this went on for way too long to
remember. So, I nicknamed her Little Miss Sunshine because every time I say
that, it brings a little giggle to my face. And I prefer to laugh at life than
to punch someone because violent outbursts are not good for humanity. (Repeat: Violent outbursts are not good for humanity.)
Being the sensitive and sometimes
overly introspective person that I am, managed to drive myself crazy trying to
figure out how to appease this toxic person. But at a certain point, a number
of other people began to have the same complaints and frustrations about this
same co-worker. Projects that would normally take a short amount of time were
taking days, sometimes weeks or months because before implementing any step,
employees would have to map out a way to circumvent this person to avoid her
involvement.
Clearly, it was extremely relieving
and validating when I discovered that I was not alone. My colleagues, too, felt
sucked into this other person's insane reality; manipulated into a psycho’s drama. What
a blessing it was to know that I wasn't at fault, and that others unfortunately felt similarly. This person was sick; almost to the point of
pathological; insecure, ridiculously passive-aggressive (when she wasn’t outright
aggressive) and controlling.
As I dealt with this, I discovered that there many books and blogs written about dealing with toxic people, control-freaks, maniacal
colleagues and jerk managers. One book helped me in particular: The No Asshole Rule
by Bob Sutton. Based on an academic article in the Harvard Business Review, this book handles these infuriating scenarios in rational level-headed management terms (and some snarkiness too). It is fresh air for the cubicle! Why didn’t
they ever teach “dealing with assholes” in in high school or college? It’s like you’re thrown to the wolves as soon as you graduate, just when the principal
or dean's office is off-limits to you.
Based on my cursory research and my own processing, there are a lot of practical tips I've come up with that help others dealing with office politics, a maniacal co-worker; the downright office bitch. (THEY ARE EVERYWHERE, I TELL YOU!)
Without further ado, here are 10 practical ways to deal with an office jerk:
(1) Surprisingly, the number one piece of advice offered is, after wholehearted, practical attempts to rectify the situation, if you see no end in sight, the #1 suggestion is to get the hell away from the person. Sometimes that means leaving a job; other times that means switching departments.
Without further ado, here are 10 practical ways to deal with an office jerk:
(1) Surprisingly, the number one piece of advice offered is, after wholehearted, practical attempts to rectify the situation, if you see no end in sight, the #1 suggestion is to get the hell away from the person. Sometimes that means leaving a job; other times that means switching departments.
(2) Make sure to document as much as
possible, whether it’s in email or by submitting complaints to HR. (We did not
have a formal HR nor a manager who seemed to care much so I was left to fend
for myself…)
(3) Start doing
something outside of work as your own outlet; something to release the negative
energy. Do something creative, go walking, running, join a drama club. Don’t
just go out with friends to vent about work; the energy will just stay inside
your mind and body, consuming you. You’ll start to have trouble sleeping and it will ultimately affect your health (mental and physical). It's just not worth it. Do something for yourself to feel creative and healthy.
(4) Come up with a nickname for them
that reminds you of a similar character from a movie or TV show. Use the
nickname a) in your head, b) at home, c) NOT IN THE WORKPLACE. Though it’s
immature, it will at least give you a dose of laughter, and lighten the
situation. (Note: I don’t think the Harvard Business Review suggested
that one.)
(5) On a similar note, find a playlist
of what I call “Angry Girl Music”. Listen to it after an altercation of some
sort. (Anything from Avril Lavigne, Pink to AC/DC will work.) It will help you realize that everyone at some point in their lives, has
encountered irritating, toxic people. Take Lilly Allen for example. Her profound and evocative work, Fuck You will hit the spot on a particularly irritating day:
(6) See this difficult person as if you’d
see and deal with a sick person. Take their ‘complaints’ lightly, brush them
off, see that their anger is very likely from another source in their life (Spouse?
Annoying kids? Abusive childhood?) REMEMBER: IT’S NOT YOU.
(7) ...but at the same time, be honest with yourself. If there are
things that you do that are irritating, or if you incite the person, respond in
a spiteful or passive-aggressive manner, take ownership of that. Take responsibility
for your part and stop.
(8) Sometimes we are blind to our own
flaws, so you might want to show a sample email correspondence to a trustworthy
and honest friend (not someone from work) who can pinpoint which parts of the
communication are unhealthy, biting, charged, and which parts are your
contribution to that. Remember: IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.
(9) Pray. Yes, seriously. Take a few
minutes to pray sincerely. To ask for guidance with your thoughts, your words,
your mindset. Pray for Little Miss Sunshine’s mental well-being because
whatever the heck is going on in her life, she’s taking it out on you (me, that
is). So pray that it is resolved and that you’ll get back to a healthy dynamic.
Yes, similar behavior is antithetical
to a healthy work environment (or any civil environment for that matter). However,
it’s important to remember there will always be difficult people in life, and
unfortunately, we can’t always escape them so easily. Figure out a way to release
your stress, outsmart them, and respond neutrally to the person.
(10) Last tip: Wait at least 5 minutes before responding to an email. Otherwise you will respond on impulse and you will likely convey a charged emotion. Waiting (and maybe get up out of your chair to process or cool down) will help you respond with your head instead of your heart.
(10) Last tip: Wait at least 5 minutes before responding to an email. Otherwise you will respond on impulse and you will likely convey a charged emotion. Waiting (and maybe get up out of your chair to process or cool down) will help you respond with your head instead of your heart.
These are things that I incorporated
into my life – thanks to lots of reading, processing, therapy and good friends.
And thank G-d, little by little, things got slightly better. Eventually the
person left me alone and we began to have very little interaction. The dynamic
between us became minimal and strictly functional. Sort of like a cold peace
between Soviet Russia and the US; Gaza and Israel. Sounds promising, eh?!
Rating: The Most Frustrating (but worthwhile!) Class Ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment